I’ve been doing so much better with my mental health in the last year or so. Better enough that I’m thinking of transitioning away from using a service dog. Using them for 21 years has healed my brain in a way. With their assistance, I’ve learned better how to recognize my anxiety and what to do to manage it.
Felix is only 3.5, and I expect him to work until he’s 8-10 years old, so I figure I have a good 5 years or so to practice using a service dog less and see if Felix can be my last service dog.
So far, I had only gone easy places without Felix. He doesn’t enjoy restaurants much, so about 6 months ago, I started leaving him home when we’d be going to a familiar restaurant. I did pretty well in those situations.
But now it’s time to step it up. We’re going on a cruise this fall, and I know I’m not brining Felix. The potty situation is pretty terrible, and I wouldn’t be able to get off at any of the ports we’d be going to due to importation issues with other countries, and also due to packs of stray dogs in these other countries. So I need to get used to being without him more.
Coming up pretty soon, we have a trip to Washington, DC with Brad, Tam, and my dad. I’ve decided I’m not taking Felix. I do want to practice being without him, but also he would not enjoy the trip. He prefers working 2 hours or less at a time, and not more than 1-2 days in a row. The DC trip would be a lot for him that he would not enjoy. Even our low-key and laid back Helen trip was a lot for him.
The pressure is now really on to see if I can be without Felix.
This past week, we decided to test it. Brad, Tam, and I wanted to go to a Hibachi restaurant. Firstly, I know Felix doesn’t enjoy restaurants. Secondly, I’d never been to a Hibachi place, but from movies I know there’s a lot of fire and noise– two things I didn’t think Felix would enjoy. And then we planned to go to Sam’s afterwards. So I left Felix home and brought Rose my Cabbage Patch doll instead.
Since I’d never been to this restaurant, or even this style of restaurant before, it was very overwhelming being there without Felix. I did cry a little bit (I cry when I’m anxious), but held tight to Rose and used Brad and Tam to focus on. When they did the big fire at the beginning, I almost felt like I’d have to leave, but I stuck it out.
It ended up being pretty fun to interact with the Hibachi guy, and the food was SUPER tasty. So I made it through!
We did get a picture of Tam, Rose, and me, and another of Brad and Tam. They are below. I am wearing a pink sequin dress. Rose has pink hair and a purple dress. Tam is wearing black. Brad has a green sequin jacket and blue hat and bowtie.
Then it was time for the real test– Sam’s Club. This store is overwhelming even with Felix! Without him it was very difficult.
I did shed some tears, and my body was super tense. But I squeezed Rose, held her hand, and tried really hard to focus. It helped that I was in charge of the shopping list and also the Scan and Go. So I had two jobs I had to focus on, and my mind couldn’t focus as much on the anxiety. I should have gotten out my ear defenders, but I totally forgot about them with all my anxiety.
We did shoot a video while there, you can see it below.
For those wondering about what Rose does, she’s essentially like an ESA, except not alive. So she’s an Emotional Support Doll, I guess! Squeezing her and focusing on her and touching her helps ground me, but she can’t provide the more difficult work and tasks that a service dog provides. She (and Fred my weighted axolotl) are good ways to bridge the divide between having the full support of a service dog and no support.
I did make it through Sam’s, and we got everything we needed on our list. It was really really hard to do it without Felix, but I was very proud of myself for making it through.
I need to push myself on this, because I really do want to move on to a new phase in my life where I can rely more on myself than my service dog. It’s not going to be easy, but I have about 5 years to practice, and I do think it’ll be worth it in the end!
Wish me luck!