Freaking out 13


I’m having a really hard day. I was scheduled to have a psychiatrist appointment this afternoon. But they called me early in the morning to tell me she was ill and couldn’t see me until next month. I was all discombobulated waking up early. But at least I had enough wherewithal to not accept the sooner appointment with the bad nurse practitioner there.

So I was woken up early, and I started thinking about my coming off of the prolixin. I was looking forward to stepping down on that today to a lower dose, but now that may be put off for a whole other month. So I couldn’t fall back asleep, but I also couldn’t wake up. I also can’t stop researching if I can cut prolixin pills in half, to continue my step down on the drug.

A few hours later and I was still awake but super out of it. I normally sleep late and need to in order to get enough sleep for me, but I just couldn’t do it.

Then Brad needed to go out and I wasn’t up for going out with him. So he left. I woke up for real after that, but am now freaking out. I don’t know what to do about going down on my med. My psychiatrist hasn’t called in my med refills yet, so I’m not sure we’ll have them before we leave for DC. I can’t figure out what to do about showering today. Brad says I also need to take out the trash and recycling, but I am having a hard time even opening the door to let the dogs out to potty!

Plus I have rally class tonight, and Brad can’t come with me. I’m not sure I’m safe to drive! But I paid for the class and I want to go. Then again, how am I going to go to rally class if I can’t even leave my house to go into the back yard.

I’m thirsty, and I can’t even seem to follow the simple process to make myself some iced tea. It’s bad.

Hestia and Ollie are helping me stay calm enough to be safe, but just barely. I am so confused and anxious, and worried, and tired but oddly awake. I texted Brad, with no response. I am sure he is fine, but my stupid head keeps telling me bad things are happening to him.

Ack! Freaking out here! Good thoughts appreciated.


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13 thoughts on “Freaking out

  • Elaine Jordan

    Hey sweetie

    Keep things simple
    Hey you some water, set a timer, sit down for ten minutes, write down
    Trash, recycling, shower
    Then set a timer for each thing, with breaks in between
    Sending spoons

    • Veronica Morris Post author

      Thank you! A friend suggested holding ice cubes and that helped a little bit. Plus I ate something, and Brad came home. Plus Ollie did some DPT on me. So I will survive, but I’m not going to rally.

    • Veronica Morris Post author

      Thank you! A friend suggested holding ice cubes and that helped a little bit. Plus I ate something, and Brad came home. Plus Ollie did some DPT on me. So I will survive, but I’m not going to rally.

  • Deborah Rubin

    Sweetie, I know what it’s like, really. As they say, been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Can’t deal with iced tea? Drink some water. Brad isn’t texting back? Maybe his phone needs charging. It’s so hard not to think the worst of things. And my psych is a pain about calling in med refills. Hold on. You’ve got people sending good thoughts your way. You’re not alone in this journey. Take a deep breathe, pet Hestia for me, and just hold on.

  • Jennifer and Bunny

    Hang in there. The plushies and I are holding hope and good thoughts for you. One thing I did the other day when I was having some pain but stuck in the car was to look out the window to see if there were any cool cloud patterns. Don’t know if that would help you, but thought I’d mention it. Can get you through a few minutes, at least, and sometimes that’s how you have to take it, in my experience…

  • Christine wildman

    Good thoughts sent your way.
    I think is in the air… been having some stupid thoughts lately for no good reason.

    Sometimes I really wonder why I have a puppy.

    We know these things pass, if we can hang on. Breathe. Sometimes that can be all we can do, and it’s self care in and of itself.

    Love you!
    ~c

  • Deb & The Cop

    Am so so sorry I saw this so late… Have also been going thru a rough patch with severe depression and really bad agoraphobia – can’t even walk down to the mailboxes; even WITH Copper Penny. So I thought I’d start to teach her to do some DPT on me.

    Laid down on back, knees raised and encouraged her to come thru them and up onto my body, lay down and put her head on my shoulder. THAT was supposed to be the outcome. The training of it was terrible on my part, just confused The Cop and she ended up in the absolute weirdest places on me and tied up in a pretzel. I finally couldn’t help myself: I laughed out loud – and really loud!

    That just got Copper Penny all wound up and excited and into more contorted positions as she tried so hard to please me. I couldn’t stop laughing and finally ended up just playing with her. Helped my depression, but the mail is still out there – 4 days worth!

    It’s been many days since you posted this, so I do hope you are doing better! Like your friends said, no matter what, stay hydrated – that can be a killer or lead to some really bad consequences. Drink, drink, drink!! And keep reading the about the silly stuff the rest of us go thru when we’re in that position again…
    We luv you & want you to be happy, so hope this put a belated grin on your face!