Tonight really showed me that even the best service dog isn’t a cure-all.
We had an HOA meeting, and I had been busy all day getting ready to go on my upcoming trip to visit my parents. I was nervous about the meeting before we left, because it’s meeting with a lot of neighbors whose names I can’t remember, at night, in a place I hadn’t been before, to a meeting type I’d never attended before, etc. But I grabbed up Felix and we headed out.
On the way over, I got more and more anxious. When we finally arrived, I almost couldn’t talk I was so anxious. I had to fake smile and pretend I knew what was going on. It didn’t help that I forgot my hearing aids so I couldn’t understand anyone. And the room was large and echoey which made it harder to understand people, but also more overwhelming in terms of noise.
The chairs were uncomfortable (I hadn’t brought my wheelchair), my tattoo was itching under restrictive clothing, people kept petting Felix when I really needed him to help me (and I didn’t want to offend my neighbors so I didn’t say anything)… you get the idea.
I started scrolling on my phone, and Brad and Tam tried to talk with me, but I couldn’t hear them. Originally I was sitting between them, but Tam asked me to move so she and Brad could read the agenda together. So I was just sitting there on the end with only Felix to stop my run-away anxiety. He did a good job, but he couldn’t keep up with it.
We had only been there about 5-10 minutes at this point, and I didn’t know how I could take the meeting any longer. I told Brad and Tam I would walk home (it probably would have been a 30 min walk home– so I would have been in pain for the next few days, but it was doable). They insisted I drive myself home and come pick them up when they were done.
I felt like such a failure as I left, so I shot this short video in the van before driving away. Sometimes the best service dog can’t stop anxiety from making you leave a meeting before it starts….