When you’re down, a supportive friend can really help.
TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide
Today I’ve been very depressed. Yes, suicidally. Fortunately (?) the suicidal depression is common for me, so it doesn’t mean I need to go to the hospital. It usually just means that I need to focus on my mental health and try to distract my brain from ways to kill myself and what that would be like.
I have a 72 hr contract with myself. If I still want to kill myself 72 hrs later, then I have permission to kill myself. Luckily since my moods fluctuate a lot, rarely am I ever depressed for 72 hrs straight. I know that one day I will likely die of suicide. I have come to terms with this, and try to prepare friends and family for that day. Anyway…
I talk with my friend Linden every day. She is a huge supporter and advocate for me. She is a forever friend– even if we get in a fight, I know we will always love each other. Since I am hard of hearing, she is learning sign language with me! Every Monday we meet for 30 min to an hour and practice our sign language via Skype (she lives in California). Today was no different.
I feel such support and love from Linden, that it usually helps me feel lots better. Yes, Brad is learning to sign, too, but he’s my husband and kinda has to learn to keep talking with me. Linden doesn’t have to learn to sign, but she is doing it anyway, just because she wants to be able to communicate fully with me. It is a wonderful feeling to know this.
So even though I was depressed today, I still had our weekly sign language meeting, and boy did it help. We’re not getting that much better at signing (we mostly finger spell at this point), but it made me feel a whole lot better that I have two people learning to sign with me so that I will never be alone with myself. Good friends are life savers!
After our chat, I snuggled some with Brad. I love the smell of his head. I told him that, and he replied “It’s the smell of balding” he he he! The doggies were all over me during our Skype with Linden, and they are sticking close now. Probably I am just temporarily happy because of Linden and learning to sign, and I will return to the doldrums soon. So they aren’t letting me out of their sight!
Anyway, thanks to Linden for being my friend!