Talking with the voice in my head 10


An anime style drawing of someone looking sad with various bad things coming out of the voices in their head.

An anime style drawing of someone looking sad with various bad things coming out of the voices in their head. From https://allihoopa.com/s/0VDG3sAw

I’m having a rough time tonight, thinking I am the worst person in the world, lower than dirt (actually dirt is pretty cool stuff…..).  I decided I was going to have a talk with myself, with these negative voices in  my head.  I’m not sure yet if I will publish this post, but this is a safe environment for me to be able to try something like this.  [Note, I was surprised to see New voice pop up, I don’t remember her]

So, here goes……

Me: What is it this time?

Voices: You’re horrible.  You smell, you haven’t showered lately, you aren’t even able to get Ollie proper medical treatment.

Me: I will call the vet tomorrow when we know our schedule for the week.  One day  isn’t going to kill him.

Voices: You’re still horrible and so dirty.

Me: Yes, I am dirty.  No getting around that one.  But I’m not so dirty that I am a horrible person.

Voices: You’re horrible for everything you’ve done wrong in your life [shows replays of me not being great from years back up till recently]

Me: *quivers*

Voices: I don’t know why you even try to be well.  You know I am right.

Me: You are right.

New voice: NO, you are wrong!  You are a worthwhile person!  You do kind things, people say you are a kind person.  You’re smart, and you advocate and help other people all the time.

Voices: None of that counts.

Me: Who is this new voice?

New voice: I am the essence of Veronica, what you boil down to in the end.  And it is good!

Voices: Still, you’re a horrible person.

Me: I think new voice is right.  I’m not totally horrible.  I do some things that are really good, nice, and kind.

New voice: Way to go Veronica!

Voices: You’re still dirty and smelly and can’t keep a clean house.  Yeah, I brought up the housework that has gone neglected in some cases for years……

New voice: Don’t fall victim to these thoughts!

Me: Having a dirty house (or dirty body) doesn’t make me a horrible person.

New voice: You go, girl!

Voices: Ahhhh harrumph [gives up because it is clear the new voice is winning the day]


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10 thoughts on “Talking with the voice in my head

  • Team Blue

    RIGHT ON, New Voice!!! 😀 *applauds her madly and agrees with her wholeheartedly*
    Way to stand up with her! Proud of you for all you do and don’t do and then some <3

  • Deb and Dakota

    V, I have those terrible voices inside my head all the time – the same ones as you and some others that are even worse.
    ________________________________
    You wrote: New voice: I am the essence of Veronica, what you boil down to in the end. And it is good!
    Voices: Still, you’re a horrible person.
    Me: I think new voice is right. I’m not totally horrible. I do some things that are really good, nice, and kind.
    New voice: Way to go Veronica!
    Voices: You’re still dirty and smelly and can’t keep a clean house. Yeah, I brought up the housework that has gone neglected in some cases for years……
    New voice: Don’t fall victim to these thoughts!
    Me: Having a dirty house (or dirty body) doesn’t make me a horrible person.
    New voice: You go, girl!
    _________________________________
    The Essence Voice is the one that counts. All of us have trouble with certain self/house care that makes us feel bad – but we don’t care because we don’t have to! You have, and you do, remarkable things every single day, showered or not. You are a GOOD person and I hope you pay attention to “Essence” and what she’s telling you…

  • Tami & Chili

    YAY!! New Voice you rock.
    New Voice is totally right. You are a awesome person that is making a Big difference for the disabled community.
    And you are one of the nicest people I know.
    It is hard to see the good in ourselves that others see. New Voice is saying the truth, the others are wrong.