Anxiety monster 4

Sorry it’s been a while since I’ve updated everyone.  It took me about a week to recover from our trip.  While I think my meds are OK, I’m dealing with a LOT of anxiety.

Yesterday I was so anxious that I wanted to die rather than keep experiencing the anxiety.  No plans or means or anything, I just wanted to escape from the horrible crushing anxiety.

It’s hard having an anxiety disorder because there aren’t really any non-addictive meds that can help you.  Mostly docs want to prescribe you one of the benzos.  But if you take them regularly (like you have regular anxiety) you can get inured to their effects, build up a tolerance for them, and then as you need more and more to cover the same anxiety, they become very addictive.

The other antipsychotics that are sedating so don’t have the same side effects mostly have the hunger side effect.  It is miserable being hungry all the time.  Miserable feeling to have the hunger, and miserable feeling to have the added weight constant hunger brings.

I saw my psychiatric nurse practitioner last week and we decided to keep my meds the same.  I am on prolixin (old school antipsychotic), artane (to control side effects of prolixin), prozac (antidepressant), klonopin (benzo), and detrol LA (overactive bladder).  Mood wise I seem to be doing OK on the prolixin, it’s just the anxiety that needs treatment.

So what I am doing when I get anxious is drinking some kombucha or making myself some decaf tea, turning on the fireplace, bundling up, and just trying to cocoon myself– most helpfully when I have a dog or two lying on me 🙂  Sometimes Brad even gets in the pack pile and lays on me, too.  Talk about deep pressure therapy!  Though he does weigh less than some service dogs I know LOL!  I also like to watch TV shows I’ve watched before a million times (can’t handle not knowing what is going to happen).

Today we needed to go to the post office and the grocery store, but I just couldn’t do it.  So Brad went alone and I am here with my fire, my kombucha, my tink blanket, and my dogs.  And of course I am terrified he’s going to be hurt or injured or something while he is gone.  But I just couldn’t face leaving the house.  It just wasn’t possible today.  The farthest I can go out of the house is taking a few steps in the back yard to watch the pups potty.

If anyone has any suggestions on the anxiety front, I’m all ears.