Fine 2

I use the word “fine” a lot. “It’ll be fine” when I don’t want to think about something. “I’m fine” when I don’t want to think about how I’m doing.

Today and for the past few days I’ve been “fine”.

I’m going to scheduled activities. I smile when it is appropriate, even though I am just feeling “fine”. Most people can’t even tell that I am locking things away from myself, I am so practiced at being “fine”.

This is something that as a mentally ill person, I have in my life to protect myself from my broken brain. When my brain can’t handle something, everything goes into “fine” mode.

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2 thoughts on “Fine

  • Deb & The Cop

    Regardless of how many times you say you are ‘fine’, there are those of us who look at your eyes and know your answer of being ‘fine’ is bull shit. The eyes can’t lie.

    I have a different way of acting when I want to be ‘fine’ to others: I have a mental board that is loaded with different labeled toggle switches. So let’s say I’m walking into a restaurant for a Club meeting: I’d toggle on ‘Self Confidence’, ‘Bravery’, ‘Walk With Head Held High” and so on. Then when I get to the meeting room, I toggle on “Big Smile”, ‘Cheery Wave’, ‘Walk straight In’, ‘Greet People’, ‘Engage in Conversation’, ‘Be brave’, ‘Self Confidence’, etc.

    I have a toggle switch for everything you can think of that is positive. The most important two are “Self Confidence” and “Acting 101″…