Content warning: Suicidal thoughts
It’s been a rough day. I am exhausted physically and mentally. I want to not be here anymore. Very strongly. I more not want to be here, not wanting to be present than actually wanting to do something to kill myself.
I am considering hospitalization, but I am leaning towards not going.
You see, I used to be suicidal like daily if not weekly. When I was suicidal so often, it was easy to not go to the hospital, because I always felt this way so it was “normal” to be suicidal.
With the addition of Latuda, I am not suicidal all the time anymore, which is great. But now that I am feeling it, I don’t know how seriously to take myself.
So that’s where I am. Not wanting to live. Not knowing how serious it is.
Brad has hidden all my meds. He is watching me. So I am safe for now.