I’m having a rough time tonight, thinking I am the worst person in the world, lower than dirt (actually dirt is pretty cool stuff…..). I decided I was going to have a talk with myself, with these negative voices in my head. I’m not sure yet if I will publish this post, but this is a safe environment for me to be able to try something like this. [Note, I was surprised to see New voice pop up, I don’t remember her]
So, here goes……
Me: What is it this time?
Voices: You’re horrible. You smell, you haven’t showered lately, you aren’t even able to get Ollie proper medical treatment.
Me: I will call the vet tomorrow when we know our schedule for the week. One day isn’t going to kill him.
Voices: You’re still horrible and so dirty.
Me: Yes, I am dirty. No getting around that one. But I’m not so dirty that I am a horrible person.
Voices: You’re horrible for everything you’ve done wrong in your life [shows replays of me not being great from years back up till recently]
Voices: I don’t know why you even try to be well. You know I am right.
Me: You are right.
New voice: NO, you are wrong! You are a worthwhile person! You do kind things, people say you are a kind person. You’re smart, and you advocate and help other people all the time.
Voices: None of that counts.
Me: Who is this new voice?
New voice: I am the essence of Veronica, what you boil down to in the end. And it is good!
Voices: Still, you’re a horrible person.
Me: I think new voice is right. I’m not totally horrible. I do some things that are really good, nice, and kind.
New voice: Way to go Veronica!
Voices: You’re still dirty and smelly and can’t keep a clean house. Yeah, I brought up the housework that has gone neglected in some cases for years……
New voice: Don’t fall victim to these thoughts!
Me: Having a dirty house (or dirty body) doesn’t make me a horrible person.
New voice: You go, girl!
Voices: Ahhhh harrumph [gives up because it is clear the new voice is winning the day]