When you have had close experiences with psychosis, you have to be very careful what you let into your brain, as it can trigger psychosis or even just get you confused about what is real or not.
When I get psychotic, I usually believe something like I am a magical being doing good, and there is a war between good and evil, and I need to rejoin the fight or be active in foiling the evil out there. It usually happens in the Lord of the Rings universe or the Twilight universe.
Well today, it started to happen with the Harry Potter universe, which is my favorite magical universe.
There was a show on TV about the real things behind the Harry Potter books. Excellent show, really. The problem? It featured people who really believe magic is real.
They are showing ancient books, talking about medicinal plants, etc etc. The one that really got to me was the 14th generation wand maker who is told by the tree spirits which pieces of the tree to collect and at what time to make wands. Suddenly I wasn’t sure which reality I was in anymore.
I told Brad, and he asked if we should change the channel. I love Harry Potter stuff, so I tried to stick it out for the last half hour of the show. But then I was nearly sure I was in Harry Potter universe, and Brad changed the channel on me.
My sudden visit to psychosis is fading as quickly as it came up. But it is just part of my life. I must be careful what I watch, what I read, even what I think. It is too easy to slide back into psychosis when you’re surrounded by that other universe.
A drawing I did of pyschotic me. Drawing of a woman with short hair and red square glasses wearing a green tattered fairy dress, with fairy wings and a wand.
I hear you on the psychosis! I actually had to stop reading the Harry Potter books because they blend reality and fiction too well for me. I believe I couldn’t read the last two. Before that, I loved them so much! I hear that I got out at a good spot, before things got too dark. I was able to find out what sort of happens in the final book by watching A Very Potter Musical with my cousin. I was able to handle it that way.
It frustrates me because I love fantasy and magical themes so much, I wish I could read them all the time, but I really have to be careful. My most recent thing has been that I’m worried cars might be alive. So that’s my current barometer for how psychotic I am. It also makes Disney California Adventure trips really difficult, because they have a whole Cars Land. I love the fast part of the Radiator Springs Racers ride, but the indoors part of it with the talking cars terrifies me. I hope that particular delusion loosens its hold soon. It’s scary.
Yes, I love fantasy and magical things, too. It sucks that my MI is so sensitive to them that I think them when I am psychotic 🙁 Oh well.